You've got a video camera and a giant octopus, and the best idea you have is to make a documentary? Get it together, National Geographic. #
Riverdance is due for a comeback. #
This secret agent training facility looks top notch.
Her: This is a Starbucks. We sell coffee.
Me: Wow. You guys are good. #
If you took that apart and moved the pieces individually, it'd be a lot easier. Fine, whatever.
I hate the gym. #
If you were a jelly bean, what colour would you be? Her: Green. Me: If you're not going to answer seriously, don't bother. Her: [profanity]. #
Flip flop sound is the only foot-sweat-based noise that's acceptable in an office environment. Sadly. #
If you were a jelly bean, what colour would you be? Her: Green. Me: If you're not going to answer seriously, don't bother. Her: [profanity]. #
Flip flop sound is the only foot-sweat-based noise that's acceptable in an office environment. Sadly. #
Birthdays are your body's way of telling you you're not getting enough alcohol. #
Birthdays are your body's way of telling you you're not getting enough alcohol. #
A new can of tennis balls is the perfect balance of fuzziness and yellow smell. Take note, golf balls. #
"I'm a lady" she announced, broadly. #
It 'feels' like 36º? Stop telling me how I feel, weatherlady. Keep this up and I may be forced to end our imaginary relationship. #
Also, to the dude in the white 3-series: get out of the way, you mobile traffic jam. #
It's amazing how much hatred can be developed towards a total stranger simply by driving behind him for two minutes. #
Kudos to Lost for making the Matrix trilogy look well thought out. #LostFinale #
Kudos to Lost for making the Matrix trilogy look well thought out. #LostFinale #
Wine and hot dogs, together at last. [sigh]. #
Even though it's casual Friday, hot pants are inappropriate office clothing. Marvellously, gloriously inappropriate. #
I feel like such a fraud at cocktail parties, like I've wandered into the grown-up section of life. #
We need a Skype so your brother's baby can eat with me and your father. Me: I don't know what that means. Mom: Don't you work on computers? #
Okay, my freezer is definitely into some things. I just found a stash of chicken carcasses in the back corner. I'm thinking voodoo ritual? #
Correction: Turns out [...]
We need a Skype so your brother's baby can eat with me and your father. Me: I don't know what that means. Mom: Don't you work on computers? #
Okay, my freezer is definitely into some things. I just found a stash of chicken carcasses in the back corner. I'm thinking voodoo ritual? #
Correction: Turns out [...]
Finally went to the YouTubes to see what a Justin Bieber is – Interweb, even with all your glorious pornography, you disappoint me. #
Golly, all those French words sure do make you sound educated. You know what would impress me even more? Learning their English equivalents. #
Meatball should be a sport. #
Turns out indelible and inedible are two very different things. #
Turns out indelible and inedible are two very different things. #
A drop shadow is a designer's way of telling his client he's out of ideas. #
The Skippy people have it all figured out – everything new should come with a peanut on top. #