Did I say I was Brazilian? Sorry, I meant Dutch.
#WorldCup #
Extra large, double double, please.
Double double.
Extra large.
Double double.
I got a medium French vanilla.
Damn you Tim Horton's. #
More things need to be made from tennis ball fuzz. #
Old marketing folk: Uploading a half-assed video to YouTube does not mean you've "gone viral". #
Old marketing folk: Uploading a half-assed video to YouTube does not mean you've "gone viral". #
Weddings are one of the few occasions left where mad chicken dancing skills are asset. #
If wearing too much cheap perfume got you drunk, this wedding would be a lot more entertaining. #
I love weddings. They're so romantic.
And by romantic, I mean I have a pretty decent shot at making out with that skanky bridesmaid. [...]
I keep dreaming I'm being eaten by a muppet.
Am I gay for cookie monster, or is my new fuzzy blue blanket just not working out?
Her: [...] #
MC Hammer claimed to be too legit to quit, then quit.
Postmodern meditation on legitimacy, or ironic blunder? Discuss. #
W00T! We won an award! Special thanks to @Designedgemag
http://tinyurl.com/38oe6l8 #
Just so we're all clear; we're going to blame the earthquake on the G20, right? Damned hippies.
#G20 #Earthquake #
My tummy hurts… too much candy. On the upside, I now have a nougat centre. #
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have accepted that wager. On the upside, the fireman let me sit on the truck! #
No. It does not, nor will it ever, need a fucking starburst. #
How come I only remember that I have mad ninja skills when I'm drinking? #
How come I only remember that I have mad ninja skills when I'm drinking? #
Today I learned that the only thing messier than a three year-old playing is a three year-old cleaning. #
Two penguins standing on the beach, one says to the other: You made me get all dressed up for this? #
Love that sweater – very Jackie-O. You need a pearl necklace.
Her: Yeah, want to give me one? Wait. #
Her: These dishes aren't going to clean themselves.
Me: You're probably right, but I'm going to give it another few days to be sure. #
Gin for dinner.
Again.
Being a grown up is rad. #
Man, I wish I had a Scottish accent. Then things would be different. #
Today I learned that complimenting a woman's accent, only to discover it's actually a lisp, is an unfavourable preamble to a dinner invite. #
Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game.
#worldcup #
Happy Monday, Twitter! I spent the weekend learning how to dance a jig. I hope yours was as successful. #Productive_weekend #
WOOT! The world's biggest sing-along starts today! Also, something about soccer. Ole, oleoleole, ole, o-le! #
I'm confused; if muffin-top is bad, does that mean muffin-stump is good? Because she didn't seem to appreciate me calling her muffin-stump. #
If there's a bad ukulele solo, I haven't heard it. #
Oh sweetie, when the label said 'slim fit', that wasn't a promise. #
Fine, I don't "need" to be naked for this, but I don't have to be not naked, right? No, YOU'RE difficult. I hate going to the dentist. #